Tag Archives: Giggle blog

Glam Gran’s giggle blog

Glam gran I’m not smiling, and that’s not because I’m feeling grumpy, it’s because I’m showing off the make up range Younique, that daughter Ann sells. The lipstick is ladylike, and you don’t have to be ladylike to wear it. The brows are the palest colour and it’s a pencil and then fibres that stay on all day.

She’s really brave and posts up videos and demo’s every day. It’s lovely make up but not cheap, so I get something every couple of months and now I’m waiting for a bronzer.

That picture was one of about twenty that went from bad to worse. Then a family member appeared and I asked him to take a pic. We had one with the light off, one with it on. In the window, in the garden. Then I thought maybe I’d be better sitting on a bag of chippings. He said no, because I’m up here and if you’re down there I’ve got to get down there. Then because of the sun my eyes go all squinty and make me look as if I can’t open them. So to have a photo that looks anywhere human is good. The end product was too much laughter and not anything I can put on here.

The back of the jumper is finished and now I’ve started on the front.

And at last I’ve finished editing the last chapter of the re-write. I’m sending it off tomorrow so please cross fingers toes and everything else that my lovely editor likes it. Now I can get on with another story for the same editor.

My ghost story is on Alfie dog. It’s a Christmas one, to get you in the mood. Well, if you’re writing a Christmas story, you’d need to be thinking about it now, so think of it as a prompt.

Fisherman’s rest story.

Hope to have more news on the rewriting soon. And in the meantime, I’m still going to get the original story published. It’s set in the 1970’s, and completely different to the re-written one, but there’s so much work gone into it, I’ll keep trying to find a publisher. Obviously they’ll have different titles.

Have a great week.

Something to make you smile

Hello to all my lovely blog followers. I’ve been a bit skinny on here lately. Not skinny as in super slim. I’ve been to the gym most days though, and me and my gym buddy get each other to do more working out than we would if we went on our own. We do sit ups on one of those bouncy balls.gym-ballLeaning back to look at the wall, then sitting up.

Lift ups on the monkey bars, then I go on this thing like an upside down spaceship. One of these… only turned upside down, then I balance on it. Most of the time.

balance ballHello to all my new followers in America. Hope you’re enjoying the blog. I’m busy re-writing something special for someone special. Can’t say more than that at the moment incase I jinx it. I usually talk about writing more than getting on with the writing, so I’ll let you know soon.

Here’s something funny that happened yesterday. Being of a certain age, me and hubby take a vitamin tablet. You’ve heard of wellwoman and wellman. Those. I had two boxes in my hand, and for some reason, my eyes, saw him with the woman box and me with the man one. He had a tablet on his lips about to swallow it – I had as well. With the awful thought of him swallowing a woman one and me the man one, I did what came to mind and yelled out, ‘Stop!’ Turns out he was taking the right one, and I was as well. Good job he did stop to check, so if they had been the wrong ones, we’d have been alright.

Happy Easter to everyone, and thinking of our friends in Brussels.

Peace

 

A jog with a view

I’ve been going to the gym most days over the last week. On Thursday, me and my gym buddy got to the reception. I’d love to blog about what happened next, but on a scale of 1 – 10 it comes around about 9 and a half, so I have to send it off to my favorite laughter pages of That’s Life. They seem to like my funnies and have printed quite a few so far and are always asking me for more. Seeing as they pay well, must give it a chance. He spent the next five minutes texting everyone to tell them about it. I couldn’t exercise for laughing either for quite a while.

His brother was one of the text recipients, and he happened to be going for a run on the same morning; outdoors around Torbay where he lives. This is the picture he sent me of early morning sun shining over my little Brixham bay.

V__CB58Brixham

 

The picture on the right was taken last September, looking across to where he took this one from.

It’s been a cold but fresh day here today, so I’ve been chopping up the wood from our old shed that’s been stored in the greenhouse. Now we’ve got tons of firesticks, and the greenhouse is a bit clearer than it was. Next I’m going to make a base for a half shed so that we can clear out the shed that’s so full you can’t get in it. And, we have a bathroom booked. It’ll be a while before the busy plumber can come and sort it all out, but it will be done some time before the summer. And I’ve made up two spring baskets. It was so chilly at tea time though, they’re in the greenhouse with the sticks until it warms up a bit.

Now I’m off for a cup of tea and to watch the voice. And I forgot to mention that I got head hunted the other day. I was about to start cleaning in one of the cabin offices at the building site when a man approached. I said, “Did  you want Ray, or Jim?”

He said, “Neither of them, you.” Oh, I had a quick think as to what I might have done wrong, like go the wrong way round the site, or not wearing my hard hat. Then he handed me a card and told me he needed good workers as he’s the director of a cleaning company. I started saying, “Oh, yes, I do this that and the other.”

He said, “I know, I’ve seen you.” Wonder if that was when I slopped water up my jeans, or did a twirl with the mop. Either way, I’ll keep the number handy.

Have a great rest of the weekend, and a good week ahead.

February Giggle blog.

Recently, on a walk around the block; (it’s cold, so long walks can wait until springtime), we bumped into a lady with a bijon frise dog.  I’ve seen pictures of cakes that look like these dogs, they’re cute.

So when I said in my doggie talking voice, ‘Oh, you look like a cake’ the owner and dog jumped back. The dog started barking at me, and the lady looked at me as if I’d landed off another planet. It wasn’t until me and Ann were walking away that we realised I’d just called her lovely dog a cake and she hadn’t a clue what I meant. We knew though, and it was funny.

Another funny thing happened lately. Someone called Glamour forever started following me on twitter. How nice, and it’s a beauty lounge in Sutton, so maybe it’s because they saw my latest header on twitter. Boy/girl nails blue/pink. Anyway, from now on, maybe I’ll have a glam blog going on once a month. I haven’t forgotten Sheila, just that I’m a bit topsy turvy at the mo, and reinventing my writing room, and Annie Sloaning things. Pictures will follow later.

I put a baby reminder on my phone, and on Sunday at half past three, when I switched on, a message came up telling me, Ann’s baby is due between 16:00 and 17:00. which gave us quite a shock as she was sitting on the settee, eating sausage rolls at half past three, so that was a bit of a howler, and baby is quite happy where he/she is.

Last giggle, was that for our Sunday tea, we had salad and home-made sausage rolls and all things that go with it. I used plastic disposable plates, that we had left over from Christmas. Alan collected them up, and I said, ‘Don’t wash up remember, they’re disposables.’ He replied, ‘They’ll be alright to use again, they’ll rinse off, and they aren’t dirty.’ Ann suggested that as a giggle, because not only do we wash up in the traditional way, we re-use disposable plates……..

Until next time, keep on giggling……. you know it makes sense.

December Giggle Blog.

Where Alan gets a dog. Now, remember back in the springtime, my plan to get a dog for his birthday fell flat, and he gave me a list of ten reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, and he was right of course, well, this is an antidote to that.

Our Son was off to work, so Alan went out to move our car to let him out. A few minutes earlier, he’s said, ‘shall we go for a lie down?’ Sometimes we go for a nap as I go out early, and he comes in late, so we have a spare hour or two together middle of the day. As I was waving our Son off to work, he was looking worried, and making a great show of pointing something out to me. It was raining, and nasty, but I ran out to see whether it was the wheelie bin tipped over in the wind, or something.

Alan was waiting for him to go, so that he could put our car back on the drive, and there was this huge rottweiler plodding down the street on his own. Not being able to resist a lonely dog, our Son jumped out of his car, and was fussing him. We know the dog; he goes in the shop down the road, (which was where he was headed by the look of it), for jelly babies, with his owner. We told our Son not to worry, and go to work, as it was nearing his start time, though he only works five minutes away.

Our car was still running, with the door open. Next minute, the hippo of a rottie heaved itself into our car, and sat on the passenger seat, filling two thirds of the front of the car. As it was raining, I thought I’d better go in, and Alan was stuck with this enormous wet dog on the front seat. What could we do? other than bring him in. From our front room, the sight of Rottie sitting happily in the front of the car, and Alan reversing up the drive was so funny I was hysterical…

Alan must have thought in the few minutes of reversing up, that he’d take the dog home. So, he went driving up the street, looking for the home of his new best friend. It crossed my mind, if anyone was passing who knew us, they might be saying, ‘Oh, that Suzy’s gone to look rough these days.’ Alan tells me all he could see was a big slobbering face, and doleful eyes inches from his face.

He found where the dog lived, but high gates were locked, so goodness knows how he got out. The neighbour told us the owners wouldn’t be back until 5 o’clock, it was only 3 o’clock by now. We asked if they’d take him in, but they said, ‘Oh, no, it won’t come to us. So, Alan brought him home. When he opened the car door, the dog wouldn’t get out. He was soaked, and had cronky joints, so he wanted to keep dry I think.

Eventually, we coaxed him out with some ham from the fridge. I dried him off, and he looked hungry. We got an old washing up bowl from the garden, and he drank 3 of those full of water, in a few minutes. Alan went off to the shop to get him a tin of meat. He returned with a bag of jelly babies, a couple of beers for himself, and chocolate for me. I said, ‘Did you get him any meat?’ That’s what he’d gone down for, but forgot. He said, ‘We were going for a lie down if you remember, only a while ago, now all of a sudden, we’re dog sitting for the afternoon.’

The dog, who we know is called Jacob, was so good, and took turns to lie by me, or go and watch Alan, with great big eyes that Alan swears were saying, ‘Thank you for looking after me.’ A man came to call for him, later, and said, ‘Thanks’ and couldn’t understand how he’d got out. A couple of nights later, a lovely lady came knocking on the door, and said, he’s called Jacob, because he’s crackers, he is her special baby, and she was so pleased he’d been safe. She gave us flowers and wine to say ‘thanks.’ At one point, he was lying on the floor, gazing up at our pictures, and beams, as if to say, ‘hmmm, I could get used to this’. He was cute, and I haven’t laughed so much for ages….. RottieAlanThe dog filled two thirds of the front of the car, then after a while, he jumped into the back, and lay down. A funnier sight I’ve never seen. That’s up in the Welsh mountains by the way, we live on a main road, in the middle of the Midlands. That’s why we couldn’t leave the big dog to roam incase he got run over. Digital imageOur eldest Son has been housesitting down in Torbay as well. I say as well, because we were dog sitting. With his house sit, a European student was included, who he had to keep an eye on, and cook tea for. I asked him if he was doing pasta, and broccoli bake with tuna and cheese sauce, things like that. He said, yes; and he also told his sister that he was relaxing in this massive house, watching footie, and having a beer, when the lad came in and began playing Motzart on the piano. Talk about chalk and cheese. He said they got on alright though, and it’s done now. More giggles next month, and don’t you love the snow effect on here for December?

Coming soon, interview with Sheila Crosby.

November Giggle blog.

Hi followers, hope you’re all enjoying the festivities, and not had too much pumpkin soup, or sweets left over from the trick and treaters.

My giggles for November are both from work. First mine. Our boss asked me and my colleague from Sunderland if we’d go in on a Sunday and do a cleaning job for a while. After some thought, we both said, yes. Off we went in the blue van, to the job.

blue vanNow as I’ve said before, it’s all codes and numbers and letters to punch in. The huge black gates have a box at the side, and she knew the number. We punched it in, and nothing happened. Tried it in reverse, nothing again. She was certain that was right, so unfortunately, we had to disturb our gaffer and ask what the code was. Turns out it was what she’d said, but with an E for enter at the end.

So, number is in, the massive black gate trundled open, I jump back in the passenger seat, and she is saying into her mobile, how we have now got the big gates open, while standing with her back to them. All of a sudden, I see the gates slowly trundling back again. I shouted, quick, they’re closing again. She couldn’t hear me as she was deep in conversation. I hollered,,,, quick, they’re closing. (Why I didn’t jump into the driver’s seat and drive through, I’m not sure, but then she’d have been outside, and me inside.)

She heard me after a minute or two, which was probably a second or two, but felt like minutes…. She shouted, “Eeee, ya bugga, they’re closing…….” We both screamed, jumped up and down a bit, and tried our newly known code into the box. It worked, and we quickly jumped in and drove through.

Second giggle comes from Alan’s workplace. He’s a janitor in a large supermarket. There was a leak from the roof, and it turns out that the cafe is upstairs, and it could have been from the dishwasher, or somewhere else. Ended up, they had a puddle the size of a lake, and it didn’t smell too fresh either…. He had other duties to see to, and when he came back, the workers had put lots of cardboard down, and it seemed to be soaking up the water, and already there was a mop bucket full. He had to stop a lady from filling it any more, as it was up to the top, and she was still squeezing a mop into it.

Then, happy to be going home, he announced… (now whenever he makes an announcement, the opposite happens, or else something disastrous.) … ‘the captain is now leaving the sinking ship.’ After that, he stepped on one of the cardboards, and skidded to the next one, and the next …. right up the length of an aisle, and ended up falling on his hands and knees.

He told me about that, and in bed that night, it was ages before he stopped laughing out loud at himself. He was doing that thing where he knew he’d laughed enough, and then I’d feel shoulders shaking and then the booming of laughter followed.

ATT00070

It’s always a good thing to laugh at yourself isn’t it? What’s happened funny in your life lately?

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Coming soon 12th November…. exclusive interview with comedy script writer for the bbc…….. and my writing tutor for a year, some time ago…….

September Giggle blog.

So we’re in to September and time for a giggle….. erm…… that wasn’t funny, no, nor that, and that wasn’t brilliant either. Hang on, things aren’t that bad…………

I work with a lady from Sunderland why aye man I do, yeah sure hinny, away man, yer naw, I’m canny and all I am on a Tuesday morning, and she always makes me laugh. She loves her bleach, and air freshener, and when she jokingly asked a chap if he was making us a cup of tea, he ended up doing us one each, so that was canny, why eye…..

Everything’s champion, doll, yes it is, bright and shiny, quicky dooo daah, if we’re running late, which we never are, of course.

Thing is, I find doo dah, coming into my speech, and why eye man is easy to pick up…. And, she’s not a Geordie, she’s from Sunderland. Completely different.

 

blue vanI start off driving, and then she takes over after that. One day last week, we were bombing along the road, full blast ahead, and changing gear, she rammed the van into reverse…. only for a nano second, that made me smile.

Boys alive, have a look at this for accents…. La plue de la tente avec petit pois sil vous plais.

 

Until next time……..

 

August Giggle Blog.

montyKEEP OFF THE GRASS

My friend Annabella has been dog and house sitting, with strict instructions to make sure the dog, Monty doesn’t go on the grass. As you see from the picture, she followed the rules to the letter. Also, he was to have no chocolate cake… That’s a plastic one, so it’s alright. She had a bit of a panic when she was putting the bins out and Monty followed her to the front garden. Luckily he didn’t want to run away, seemed he’s happy where he is.

Annabella had another bit of a panic when she was back at work, and colleagues asked to see her holiday snaps. She was about to pass her phone over with pics. on it when she realised, Monty’s owner was one of the eager people waiting to see the pictures, and Monty was top of the list with his choccie cake on the grass. So a bit of quick deleting was in order. Good job she’d already emailed him to me….

DID I GIVE A FLYING FORK, OR NOT?

Digital imageNow here’s me, relaxing in the garden doing my thing. I was reading my new kindle at the time, when a voice from above shouts, “Can you chuck us a fork up please?” He leans out to show me that he remembered the sharp knife for cutting up his sausage and bacon, but forgot the fork.

“Of course,” I reply. Off to the kitchen cupboard I go, get the fork, and aim for the window.

“Nice and gently, underarm.”

I hurl it up, then… clang, it drops. Trying again, I aim, like, one, two, three.

“Nice and gently, underarm,” he repeats.

So hurling the fork, aiming for his hand, it twists and twirls, then sails jauntily over the six foot hedge and onto next door’s (my old maths teacher) back yard. Good job they were inside. I blame the postman. Fancy eating pot noodle on the job, then dropping the fork outside someone’s back door; things aren’t what they used to be are they?

Here’s a chap that will make you smile; if he doesn’t then Simon Cowell’s face will.

One extra adult giggle.

Out on my cleaning job, the hoover was halfway up some stairs and cables everywhere. As a chap went bleary eyed into the canteen, I shouted. “Watch you don’t trip.”

“I could do with a trip.” Was his reply. I don’t think he had Blackpool or Skeggie in mind.

 

In case you missed it, you can catch up with my latest Redington Serial here.

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People’s Friend interview with Samantha Tonge coming soon.

 

 

 

July Giggle blog.

A couple of giggles to keep you going. Sometimes, things are funny to you at the time, and they might not sound that funny, so here we go.

I’ve recently published The Angel and the Poet, and I needed a lovely front cover, which I found on a site called fiverr… It cost five dollars, which works out at £3.80, which is quite a bargain as it is exactly what I wanted. So, when I’d done that, up popped a question, ‘do you want to place a gig of your own?’ Each thing someone does is a gig. So I thought I’d put a gig on there. I’ve got four gigs. The first one, write a short story for children, 500 words is a fiverr, and in a few days, I’d had three gigs to do, so I was rocking and rolling with my gigs… As I sat telling our Son in the garden, I explained there’s a website where you can do all sorts of things, anything for a fiver. His face took on a look of horror….

He said, ‘tell me you’re not on the internet saying I’ll do anything for a fiverrr….’ I said, ‘nooooo, story writing.’ He didn’t look convinced.

More on fiverr in another post. It’s not all the sweetness and light you might think. Good job Mr Sensible asked me the copyright question.

Anyway, giggle number two came when I was out on my early morning cleaning round….

We turned up at this ancient old mill, that is converted into offices, and has three floors. This one office had lots of paper rubbish in a pile. Like boxes of brochures, and leaflets. Talk about waste of paper, and they’re a company promoting no waste! It was so heavy, and so much that my lady boss said, ‘let’s put it all on the trolley and in the lift. We’re not carrying all that down the stairs.’

Ten minutes later, a lady wearing stilettos came dashing in to where me and the bosses Son were working and stated, ‘is that your rubbish in the lift, because if it is it will make the lift smell, and we can’t use the lift?’ He directed her to where his mum was standing. She gave out the same statement. My boss answered, ‘no, actually it’s your rubbish and it doesn’t smell, because it’s leaflets and brochures.’ She also told her to go straight to her with problems and not come moaning to us…… (funny eh?) The Son took the rubbish, and dumped it all in the skip, as it was too heavy for me or his Mum to lift.

Then we were half way to the next job, and the bosses Son piped up. ‘Oh, I’ve just remembered, I’ve left their trolley in the lift!’ His Mum said, ‘oh, I’ll have to ring them up, they’ll think we’re taking the mickey. Can you imagine me in the back having fits of laughter…..

I’m sure the lady in stilettos was only peeved because she couldn’t use the lift and she had to use her little legs and walk up the stairs.

skunkblue vanI drive the van now sometimes. It’s a diesel engine, and sounds like a tractor. That’s the end of giggles and talk about gigs for July, more next month.

Coming soon, People’s Friend author, Wendy Clarke in the interview chair. It’s a good one, watch out for that around 8th July……

Keep giggling, there will always be something, and if there isn’t, you just aren’t looking hard enough!

February Giggle blog

Time for a giggle or two again. Last week, Ann came over from Leicester to have her car serviced and mot’d. We got round to talking about Valentine’s Day. So I asked her what she had in mind for her boyfriend. She mentioned heart-shaped cookies, and I said, ‘you could make fudge, and wrap it up in cellophane, then put it in a nice mug for him. So, we decided to experiment with fudge recipes. We put sugar, butter and milk in a pan, like it said, Ann stirred and stirred and stirred. It was at this point, she had the idea, we could do all kinds of home-made sweets, and sell them online. According to the recipe, it was then supposed to go thick. We hadn’t got vanilla flavouring, so we used almond essence. It went slightly tacky, so we put it in the tray, then went off to collect the car. We also had to go and get the tracking seen to.

When we got back, the fudge, which was white, (we presumed it was like cadbury’s fudge in the chocolate) was still tacky. We were going to melt a choc bar and top it with that, but we ended up eating the choc, and chucking the fudge. So, that recipe is no good. Besides, I’m allergic to cows milk, and sugar gives me spots, and I also can’t eat butter! So, the goo went in the bin.

We’re decorating the hall, stairs and landing. You know when things that are normally on the landing have to go in the bedroom while the work is being done? Well, every time one of us gets up in the night, or early morning to make tea, or use the bathroom, we end up coming in and hurtling across the bedroom, either swearing or going ouch, ouch ouch. Stubbing your toes isn’t funny, but it is afterwards.

One more funny thing, happened a year or so ago, but it came to mind as I’m writing a swimming related story, and this little gem will go in the story. I’d gone for a swim, and I wear a ring, that I call my ‘lucky ring.’ For safe-keeping, I put it in the top of my trainer, and packed everything in to the locker, and went off to swim. Later, I had a shower, got my things out, and – no ring! In my panic, I got dressed, wondering who could have gone in and taken it. They do have notices all around saying we are not responsible for any theft of your belongings. I ran to the reception, asking the girl there if anyone had handed a ring in. They hadn’t. I know I trust all the girls who work there; I’ve known them a long time. Maybe someone had sneaked in while I was swimming, I thought. She had my number, and was going to ring, if the ring turned up. Back home, having coffee, I felt a lump by my toe. Oh, my word, it was my ring, safe where I stashed it, deep in the bottom of my trainer….. I had to go back and let them know.

Until next time, find something to giggle about in every day.

So glad that Lynne and Teresa are gigglers as well. Join in if you want to.

Digital imageI won’t be eating any more of these, I crunched a fox’s glacier mint on the way to Devon, and had to pay a visit to the dentist when I got back. So, jellies and toffee sweets are a no no from now on. I can still manage a malteser or two though.

Watch out for information on Wednesday, I’m the featured author on Alfie dog.