Glam Gran’s giggle blog

Glam gran I’m not smiling, and that’s not because I’m feeling grumpy, it’s because I’m showing off the make up range Younique, that daughter Ann sells. The lipstick is ladylike, and you don’t have to be ladylike to wear it. The brows are the palest colour and it’s a pencil and then fibres that stay on all day.

She’s really brave and posts up videos and demo’s every day. It’s lovely make up but not cheap, so I get something every couple of months and now I’m waiting for a bronzer.

That picture was one of about twenty that went from bad to worse. Then a family member appeared and I asked him to take a pic. We had one with the light off, one with it on. In the window, in the garden. Then I thought maybe I’d be better sitting on a bag of chippings. He said no, because I’m up here and if you’re down there I’ve got to get down there. Then because of the sun my eyes go all squinty and make me look as if I can’t open them. So to have a photo that looks anywhere human is good. The end product was too much laughter and not anything I can put on here.

The back of the jumper is finished and now I’ve started on the front.

And at last I’ve finished editing the last chapter of the re-write. I’m sending it off tomorrow so please cross fingers toes and everything else that my lovely editor likes it. Now I can get on with another story for the same editor.

My ghost story is on Alfie dog. It’s a Christmas one, to get you in the mood. Well, if you’re writing a Christmas story, you’d need to be thinking about it now, so think of it as a prompt.

Fisherman’s rest story.

Hope to have more news on the rewriting soon. And in the meantime, I’m still going to get the original story published. It’s set in the 1970’s, and completely different to the re-written one, but there’s so much work gone into it, I’ll keep trying to find a publisher. Obviously they’ll have different titles.

Have a great week.

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Something to make you smile

Hello to all my lovely blog followers. I’ve been a bit skinny on here lately. Not skinny as in super slim. I’ve been to the gym most days though, and me and my gym buddy get each other to do more working out than we would if we went on our own. We do sit ups on one of those bouncy balls.gym-ballLeaning back to look at the wall, then sitting up.

Lift ups on the monkey bars, then I go on this thing like an upside down spaceship. One of these… only turned upside down, then I balance on it. Most of the time.

balance ballHello to all my new followers in America. Hope you’re enjoying the blog. I’m busy re-writing something special for someone special. Can’t say more than that at the moment incase I jinx it. I usually talk about writing more than getting on with the writing, so I’ll let you know soon.

Here’s something funny that happened yesterday. Being of a certain age, me and hubby take a vitamin tablet. You’ve heard of wellwoman and wellman. Those. I had two boxes in my hand, and for some reason, my eyes, saw him with the woman box and me with the man one. He had a tablet on his lips about to swallow it – I had as well. With the awful thought of him swallowing a woman one and me the man one, I did what came to mind and yelled out, ‘Stop!’ Turns out he was taking the right one, and I was as well. Good job he did stop to check, so if they had been the wrong ones, we’d have been alright.

Happy Easter to everyone, and thinking of our friends in Brussels.

Peace

 

A jog with a view

I’ve been going to the gym most days over the last week. On Thursday, me and my gym buddy got to the reception. I’d love to blog about what happened next, but on a scale of 1 – 10 it comes around about 9 and a half, so I have to send it off to my favorite laughter pages of That’s Life. They seem to like my funnies and have printed quite a few so far and are always asking me for more. Seeing as they pay well, must give it a chance. He spent the next five minutes texting everyone to tell them about it. I couldn’t exercise for laughing either for quite a while.

His brother was one of the text recipients, and he happened to be going for a run on the same morning; outdoors around Torbay where he lives. This is the picture he sent me of early morning sun shining over my little Brixham bay.

V__CB58Brixham

 

The picture on the right was taken last September, looking across to where he took this one from.

It’s been a cold but fresh day here today, so I’ve been chopping up the wood from our old shed that’s been stored in the greenhouse. Now we’ve got tons of firesticks, and the greenhouse is a bit clearer than it was. Next I’m going to make a base for a half shed so that we can clear out the shed that’s so full you can’t get in it. And, we have a bathroom booked. It’ll be a while before the busy plumber can come and sort it all out, but it will be done some time before the summer. And I’ve made up two spring baskets. It was so chilly at tea time though, they’re in the greenhouse with the sticks until it warms up a bit.

Now I’m off for a cup of tea and to watch the voice. And I forgot to mention that I got head hunted the other day. I was about to start cleaning in one of the cabin offices at the building site when a man approached. I said, “Did  you want Ray, or Jim?”

He said, “Neither of them, you.” Oh, I had a quick think as to what I might have done wrong, like go the wrong way round the site, or not wearing my hard hat. Then he handed me a card and told me he needed good workers as he’s the director of a cleaning company. I started saying, “Oh, yes, I do this that and the other.”

He said, “I know, I’ve seen you.” Wonder if that was when I slopped water up my jeans, or did a twirl with the mop. Either way, I’ll keep the number handy.

Have a great rest of the weekend, and a good week ahead.

January giggle blog.

Hello everyone, and at last something came along that made me giggle. At the weekend, Alan had gone off to work, and I decided to go for a walk, as I’d been having a bit of a lazy day. I went down the road, past the houses, around a triangular field, where I passed an old man walking a small dog.

As you do, I said, ‘bit cold isn’t it?’ he did a swiveling action, that caused his dog to wrap around his legs, and looked me up and down.

‘Anyway, what are you doing wandering around on your own,’ he stated. I found myself answering him as if I was about ten.

‘I’m only going round the block, and then I’ll be straight home.’ I said.

‘Make sure you do, then,’ he replied.

How funny, and I could have said the same to him as he was ninety if he was a day.

Nice to know that he was bothered though, and as I walked home, grinning to myself, I put it down to my new head gear. Our Son’s girlfriend and her little girl came down to see us over Christmas, and she had a hat affair, with ears, and a scarf attached and a place to keep your hands. I said,

‘Oh, I’d love one of those.’ The fairies must have been listening, and I had one for my recent birthday. Who says you can’t wear kiddie things when you’ve turned fifty five?

Until next time, hope something makes you smile today.WP_20150111_16_44_17_ProHere’s me in my funky head gear.

The book clearing is going well too. We took a big box and several carrier bag fulls to the hospice shop today.

I’m in the library, as my computer is still in hospital. Hoping it comes back soon, and glad our library is buzzing with things for us to use and all for free as well.

December Giggle Blog.

Where Alan gets a dog. Now, remember back in the springtime, my plan to get a dog for his birthday fell flat, and he gave me a list of ten reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, and he was right of course, well, this is an antidote to that.

Our Son was off to work, so Alan went out to move our car to let him out. A few minutes earlier, he’s said, ‘shall we go for a lie down?’ Sometimes we go for a nap as I go out early, and he comes in late, so we have a spare hour or two together middle of the day. As I was waving our Son off to work, he was looking worried, and making a great show of pointing something out to me. It was raining, and nasty, but I ran out to see whether it was the wheelie bin tipped over in the wind, or something.

Alan was waiting for him to go, so that he could put our car back on the drive, and there was this huge rottweiler plodding down the street on his own. Not being able to resist a lonely dog, our Son jumped out of his car, and was fussing him. We know the dog; he goes in the shop down the road, (which was where he was headed by the look of it), for jelly babies, with his owner. We told our Son not to worry, and go to work, as it was nearing his start time, though he only works five minutes away.

Our car was still running, with the door open. Next minute, the hippo of a rottie heaved itself into our car, and sat on the passenger seat, filling two thirds of the front of the car. As it was raining, I thought I’d better go in, and Alan was stuck with this enormous wet dog on the front seat. What could we do? other than bring him in. From our front room, the sight of Rottie sitting happily in the front of the car, and Alan reversing up the drive was so funny I was hysterical…

Alan must have thought in the few minutes of reversing up, that he’d take the dog home. So, he went driving up the street, looking for the home of his new best friend. It crossed my mind, if anyone was passing who knew us, they might be saying, ‘Oh, that Suzy’s gone to look rough these days.’ Alan tells me all he could see was a big slobbering face, and doleful eyes inches from his face.

He found where the dog lived, but high gates were locked, so goodness knows how he got out. The neighbour told us the owners wouldn’t be back until 5 o’clock, it was only 3 o’clock by now. We asked if they’d take him in, but they said, ‘Oh, no, it won’t come to us. So, Alan brought him home. When he opened the car door, the dog wouldn’t get out. He was soaked, and had cronky joints, so he wanted to keep dry I think.

Eventually, we coaxed him out with some ham from the fridge. I dried him off, and he looked hungry. We got an old washing up bowl from the garden, and he drank 3 of those full of water, in a few minutes. Alan went off to the shop to get him a tin of meat. He returned with a bag of jelly babies, a couple of beers for himself, and chocolate for me. I said, ‘Did you get him any meat?’ That’s what he’d gone down for, but forgot. He said, ‘We were going for a lie down if you remember, only a while ago, now all of a sudden, we’re dog sitting for the afternoon.’

The dog, who we know is called Jacob, was so good, and took turns to lie by me, or go and watch Alan, with great big eyes that Alan swears were saying, ‘Thank you for looking after me.’ A man came to call for him, later, and said, ‘Thanks’ and couldn’t understand how he’d got out. A couple of nights later, a lovely lady came knocking on the door, and said, he’s called Jacob, because he’s crackers, he is her special baby, and she was so pleased he’d been safe. She gave us flowers and wine to say ‘thanks.’ At one point, he was lying on the floor, gazing up at our pictures, and beams, as if to say, ‘hmmm, I could get used to this’. He was cute, and I haven’t laughed so much for ages….. RottieAlanThe dog filled two thirds of the front of the car, then after a while, he jumped into the back, and lay down. A funnier sight I’ve never seen. That’s up in the Welsh mountains by the way, we live on a main road, in the middle of the Midlands. That’s why we couldn’t leave the big dog to roam incase he got run over. Digital imageOur eldest Son has been housesitting down in Torbay as well. I say as well, because we were dog sitting. With his house sit, a European student was included, who he had to keep an eye on, and cook tea for. I asked him if he was doing pasta, and broccoli bake with tuna and cheese sauce, things like that. He said, yes; and he also told his sister that he was relaxing in this massive house, watching footie, and having a beer, when the lad came in and began playing Motzart on the piano. Talk about chalk and cheese. He said they got on alright though, and it’s done now. More giggles next month, and don’t you love the snow effect on here for December?

Coming soon, interview with Sheila Crosby.

November Giggle blog.

Hi followers, hope you’re all enjoying the festivities, and not had too much pumpkin soup, or sweets left over from the trick and treaters.

My giggles for November are both from work. First mine. Our boss asked me and my colleague from Sunderland if we’d go in on a Sunday and do a cleaning job for a while. After some thought, we both said, yes. Off we went in the blue van, to the job.

blue vanNow as I’ve said before, it’s all codes and numbers and letters to punch in. The huge black gates have a box at the side, and she knew the number. We punched it in, and nothing happened. Tried it in reverse, nothing again. She was certain that was right, so unfortunately, we had to disturb our gaffer and ask what the code was. Turns out it was what she’d said, but with an E for enter at the end.

So, number is in, the massive black gate trundled open, I jump back in the passenger seat, and she is saying into her mobile, how we have now got the big gates open, while standing with her back to them. All of a sudden, I see the gates slowly trundling back again. I shouted, quick, they’re closing again. She couldn’t hear me as she was deep in conversation. I hollered,,,, quick, they’re closing. (Why I didn’t jump into the driver’s seat and drive through, I’m not sure, but then she’d have been outside, and me inside.)

She heard me after a minute or two, which was probably a second or two, but felt like minutes…. She shouted, “Eeee, ya bugga, they’re closing…….” We both screamed, jumped up and down a bit, and tried our newly known code into the box. It worked, and we quickly jumped in and drove through.

Second giggle comes from Alan’s workplace. He’s a janitor in a large supermarket. There was a leak from the roof, and it turns out that the cafe is upstairs, and it could have been from the dishwasher, or somewhere else. Ended up, they had a puddle the size of a lake, and it didn’t smell too fresh either…. He had other duties to see to, and when he came back, the workers had put lots of cardboard down, and it seemed to be soaking up the water, and already there was a mop bucket full. He had to stop a lady from filling it any more, as it was up to the top, and she was still squeezing a mop into it.

Then, happy to be going home, he announced… (now whenever he makes an announcement, the opposite happens, or else something disastrous.) … ‘the captain is now leaving the sinking ship.’ After that, he stepped on one of the cardboards, and skidded to the next one, and the next …. right up the length of an aisle, and ended up falling on his hands and knees.

He told me about that, and in bed that night, it was ages before he stopped laughing out loud at himself. He was doing that thing where he knew he’d laughed enough, and then I’d feel shoulders shaking and then the booming of laughter followed.

ATT00070

It’s always a good thing to laugh at yourself isn’t it? What’s happened funny in your life lately?

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Coming soon 12th November…. exclusive interview with comedy script writer for the bbc…….. and my writing tutor for a year, some time ago…….

October giggle blog.

At work the other day, it came to the time of cleaning the canteen in a factory where we have to enter a code to get through the door. Most places have codes now, and it’s a task in itself to remember them all.

On this particular morning, I marched up to the door, hoover in hand and hose wrapped round my neck, confident I’d remembered the order of numbers. Plonking Henry down, I said to my friend from Sunderland; “I know this code,” tapped it in, then added, “The door is really stiff.” Another time, I had the right code, and couldn’t open it, and a chap had told me it was stiff, and you have to give it a really good shove.

So I leaned back, and threw all my weight behind it and shoved. Now somebody must have oiled the door, because I shot through it like Peter Sellers and Kato in one of the Pink Panther films, and almost fell up the stairs that are a good ten feet on from the door. Good job nobody was on the other side, and I wish they’d let you know when they oil the doors.

Peter Sellers charging through a door….

I fancied eating a gingerbread man, so after looking in my recipe books, (I’m old fashioned like that) I googled a recipe, and found a good one on the bbc website. It made 16, though the recipe said 20. Mine were slightly thicker than they should have been, but I won’t hold that against them, I made them that way. So a few days later, I had a dream that I was in one of the places we clean, another factory, different from the above, and a giant gingerbread man came walking out of the gents toilets. He said to me, “Do you think it’s right, what you’re doing?” I said, “What do you mean?” He said, “You’re eating all of my friends.” I said, “Well, I fancied one.” Then he plodded off into the factory. It wasn’t easy eating all the rest after that.

gingermenLittle gingerbread chaps, tasty and soft.

Do you want to join the growing list of gigglers? All you have to do is post at the beginning of each month, something that’s made you laugh lately. If nothing has, then you’re not looking hard enough.

Here are the other lovely gigglers, and welcome Jacqueline King to the giggle list.

Lynne Hackles, and on Lynne’s blog you get a giggle from Sue Blackburn.

Teresa Ashby, who always has something to make us giggle.

A lady who joined the gigglers from Teresa’s blog is also a giggler. I need to find her and add her link here.

Jacqueline King. Who gave me the idea for giggle blog, as she said I made her giggle.

Mrs Teapot on the busy teapot blog. Hope the kettle’s on.

 

Coming soon, Author interview with writing treasure, Lynne Hackles.