Something to make you smile

Hello to all my lovely blog followers. I’ve been a bit skinny on here lately. Not skinny as in super slim. I’ve been to the gym most days though, and me and my gym buddy get each other to do more working out than we would if we went on our own. We do sit ups on one of those bouncy balls.Leaning back to look at the wall, then sitting up.

Lift ups on the monkey bars, then I go on this thing like an upside down spaceship. One of these… only turned upside down, then I balance on it. Most of the time.

Hello to all my new followers in America. Hope you’re enjoying the blog. I’m busy re-writing something special for someone special. Can’t say more than that at the moment incase I jinx it. I usually talk about writing more than getting on with the writing, so I’ll let you know soon.

Here’s something funny that happened yesterday. Being of a certain age, me and hubby take a vitamin tablet. You’ve heard of wellwoman and wellman. Those. I had two boxes in my hand, and for some reason, my eyes, saw him with the woman box and me with the man one. He had a tablet on his lips about to swallow it – I had as well. With the awful thought of him swallowing a woman one and me the man one, I did what came to mind and yelled out, ‘Stop!’ Turns out he was taking the right one, and I was as well. Good job he did stop to check, so if they had been the wrong ones, we’d have been alright.

Happy Easter to everyone, and thinking of our friends in Brussels.

 

Advertisement

A jog with a view

I’ve been going to the gym most days over the last week. On Thursday, me and my gym buddy got to the reception. I’d love to blog about what happened next, but on a scale of 1 – 10 it comes around about 9 and a half, so I have to send it off to my favorite laughter pages of That’s Life. They seem to like my funnies and have printed quite a few so far and are always asking me for more. Seeing as they pay well, must give it a chance. He spent the next five minutes texting everyone to tell them about it. I couldn’t exercise for laughing either for quite a while.

His brother was one of the text recipients, and he happened to be going for a run on the same morning; outdoors around Torbay where he lives. This is the picture he sent me of early morning sun shining over my little Brixham bay.

 

The picture on the right was taken last September, looking across to where he took this one from.

It’s been a cold but fresh day here today, so I’ve been chopping up the wood from our old shed that’s been stored in the greenhouse. Now we’ve got tons of firesticks, and the greenhouse is a bit clearer than it was. Next I’m going to make a base for a half shed so that we can clear out the shed that’s so full you can’t get in it. And, we have a bathroom booked. It’ll be a while before the busy plumber can come and sort it all out, but it will be done some time before the summer. And I’ve made up two spring baskets. It was so chilly at tea time though, they’re in the greenhouse with the sticks until it warms up a bit.

Now I’m off for a cup of tea and to watch the voice. And I forgot to mention that I got head hunted the other day. I was about to start cleaning in one of the cabin offices at the building site when a man approached. I said, “Did  you want Ray, or Jim?”

He said, “Neither of them, you.” Oh, I had a quick think as to what I might have done wrong, like go the wrong way round the site, or not wearing my hard hat. Then he handed me a card and told me he needed good workers as he’s the director of a cleaning company. I started saying, “Oh, yes, I do this that and the other.”

He said, “I know, I’ve seen you.” Wonder if that was when I slopped water up my jeans, or did a twirl with the mop. Either way, I’ll keep the number handy.

Have a great rest of the weekend, and a good week ahead.

January giggle blog.

Hello everyone, and at last something came along that made me giggle. At the weekend, Alan had gone off to work, and I decided to go for a walk, as I’d been having a bit of a lazy day. I went down the road, past the houses, around a triangular field, where I passed an old man walking a small dog.

As you do, I said, ‘bit cold isn’t it?’ he did a swiveling action, that caused his dog to wrap around his legs, and looked me up and down.

‘Anyway, what are you doing wandering around on your own,’ he stated. I found myself answering him as if I was about ten.

‘I’m only going round the block, and then I’ll be straight home.’ I said.

‘Make sure you do, then,’ he replied.

How funny, and I could have said the same to him as he was ninety if he was a day.

Nice to know that he was bothered though, and as I walked home, grinning to myself, I put it down to my new head gear. Our Son’s girlfriend and her little girl came down to see us over Christmas, and she had a hat affair, with ears, and a scarf attached and a place to keep your hands. I said,

‘Oh, I’d love one of those.’ The fairies must have been listening, and I had one for my recent birthday. Who says you can’t wear kiddie things when you’ve turned fifty five?

Until next time, hope something makes you smile today.Here’s me in my funky head gear.

The book clearing is going well too. We took a big box and several carrier bag fulls to the hospice shop today.

I’m in the library, as my computer is still in hospital. Hoping it comes back soon, and glad our library is buzzing with things for us to use and all for free as well.

December Giggle Blog.

Where Alan gets a dog. Now, remember back in the springtime, my plan to get a dog for his birthday fell flat, and he gave me a list of ten reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, and he was right of course, well, this is an antidote to that.

Our Son was off to work, so Alan went out to move our car to let him out. A few minutes earlier, he’s said, ‘shall we go for a lie down?’ Sometimes we go for a nap as I go out early, and he comes in late, so we have a spare hour or two together middle of the day. As I was waving our Son off to work, he was looking worried, and making a great show of pointing something out to me. It was raining, and nasty, but I ran out to see whether it was the wheelie bin tipped over in the wind, or something.

Alan was waiting for him to go, so that he could put our car back on the drive, and there was this huge rottweiler plodding down the street on his own. Not being able to resist a lonely dog, our Son jumped out of his car, and was fussing him. We know the dog; he goes in the shop down the road, (which was where he was headed by the look of it), for jelly babies, with his owner. We told our Son not to worry, and go to work, as it was nearing his start time, though he only works five minutes away.

Our car was still running, with the door open. Next minute, the hippo of a rottie heaved itself into our car, and sat on the passenger seat, filling two thirds of the front of the car. As it was raining, I thought I’d better go in, and Alan was stuck with this enormous wet dog on the front seat. What could we do? other than bring him in. From our front room, the sight of Rottie sitting happily in the front of the car, and Alan reversing up the drive was so funny I was hysterical…

Alan must have thought in the few minutes of reversing up, that he’d take the dog home. So, he went driving up the street, looking for the home of his new best friend. It crossed my mind, if anyone was passing who knew us, they might be saying, ‘Oh, that Suzy’s gone to look rough these days.’ Alan tells me all he could see was a big slobbering face, and doleful eyes inches from his face.

He found where the dog lived, but high gates were locked, so goodness knows how he got out. The neighbour told us the owners wouldn’t be back until 5 o’clock, it was only 3 o’clock by now. We asked if they’d take him in, but they said, ‘Oh, no, it won’t come to us. So, Alan brought him home. When he opened the car door, the dog wouldn’t get out. He was soaked, and had cronky joints, so he wanted to keep dry I think.

Eventually, we coaxed him out with some ham from the fridge. I dried him off, and he looked hungry. We got an old washing up bowl from the garden, and he drank 3 of those full of water, in a few minutes. Alan went off to the shop to get him a tin of meat. He returned with a bag of jelly babies, a couple of beers for himself, and chocolate for me. I said, ‘Did you get him any meat?’ That’s what he’d gone down for, but forgot. He said, ‘We were going for a lie down if you remember, only a while ago, now all of a sudden, we’re dog sitting for the afternoon.’

The dog, who we know is called Jacob, was so good, and took turns to lie by me, or go and watch Alan, with great big eyes that Alan swears were saying, ‘Thank you for looking after me.’ A man came to call for him, later, and said, ‘Thanks’ and couldn’t understand how he’d got out. A couple of nights later, a lovely lady came knocking on the door, and said, he’s called Jacob, because he’s crackers, he is her special baby, and she was so pleased he’d been safe. She gave us flowers and wine to say ‘thanks.’ At one point, he was lying on the floor, gazing up at our pictures, and beams, as if to say, ‘hmmm, I could get used to this’. He was cute, and I haven’t laughed so much for ages….. The dog filled two thirds of the front of the car, then after a while, he jumped into the back, and lay down. A funnier sight I’ve never seen. That’s up in the Welsh mountains by the way, we live on a main road, in the middle of the Midlands. That’s why we couldn’t leave the big dog to roam incase he got run over. Our eldest Son has been housesitting down in Torbay as well. I say as well, because we were dog sitting. With his house sit, a European student was included, who he had to keep an eye on, and cook tea for. I asked him if he was doing pasta, and broccoli bake with tuna and cheese sauce, things like that. He said, yes; and he also told his sister that he was relaxing in this massive house, watching footie, and having a beer, when the lad came in and began playing Motzart on the piano. Talk about chalk and cheese. He said they got on alright though, and it’s done now. More giggles next month, and don’t you love the snow effect on here for December?

Coming soon, interview with Sheila Crosby.

November Giggle blog.

Hi followers, hope you’re all enjoying the festivities, and not had too much pumpkin soup, or sweets left over from the trick and treaters.

My giggles for November are both from work. First mine. Our boss asked me and my colleague from Sunderland if we’d go in on a Sunday and do a cleaning job for a while. After some thought, we both said, yes. Off we went in the blue van, to the job.

Now as I’ve said before, it’s all codes and numbers and letters to punch in. The huge black gates have a box at the side, and she knew the number. We punched it in, and nothing happened. Tried it in reverse, nothing again. She was certain that was right, so unfortunately, we had to disturb our gaffer and ask what the code was. Turns out it was what she’d said, but with an E for enter at the end.

So, number is in, the massive black gate trundled open, I jump back in the passenger seat, and she is saying into her mobile, how we have now got the big gates open, while standing with her back to them. All of a sudden, I see the gates slowly trundling back again. I shouted, quick, they’re closing again. She couldn’t hear me as she was deep in conversation. I hollered,,,, quick, they’re closing. (Why I didn’t jump into the driver’s seat and drive through, I’m not sure, but then she’d have been outside, and me inside.)

She heard me after a minute or two, which was probably a second or two, but felt like minutes…. She shouted, “Eeee, ya bugga, they’re closing…….” We both screamed, jumped up and down a bit, and tried our newly known code into the box. It worked, and we quickly jumped in and drove through.

Second giggle comes from Alan’s workplace. He’s a janitor in a large supermarket. There was a leak from the roof, and it turns out that the cafe is upstairs, and it could have been from the dishwasher, or somewhere else. Ended up, they had a puddle the size of a lake, and it didn’t smell too fresh either…. He had other duties to see to, and when he came back, the workers had put lots of cardboard down, and it seemed to be soaking up the water, and already there was a mop bucket full. He had to stop a lady from filling it any more, as it was up to the top, and she was still squeezing a mop into it.

Then, happy to be going home, he announced… (now whenever he makes an announcement, the opposite happens, or else something disastrous.) … ‘the captain is now leaving the sinking ship.’ After that, he stepped on one of the cardboards, and skidded to the next one, and the next …. right up the length of an aisle, and ended up falling on his hands and knees.

He told me about that, and in bed that night, it was ages before he stopped laughing out loud at himself. He was doing that thing where he knew he’d laughed enough, and then I’d feel shoulders shaking and then the booming of laughter followed.

It’s always a good thing to laugh at yourself isn’t it? What’s happened funny in your life lately?

***********************************************************************************************************************

Coming soon 12th November…. exclusive interview with comedy script writer for the bbc…….. and my writing tutor for a year, some time ago…….

October giggle blog.

At work the other day, it came to the time of cleaning the canteen in a factory where we have to enter a code to get through the door. Most places have codes now, and it’s a task in itself to remember them all.

On this particular morning, I marched up to the door, hoover in hand and hose wrapped round my neck, confident I’d remembered the order of numbers. Plonking Henry down, I said to my friend from Sunderland; “I know this code,” tapped it in, then added, “The door is really stiff.” Another time, I had the right code, and couldn’t open it, and a chap had told me it was stiff, and you have to give it a really good shove.

So I leaned back, and threw all my weight behind it and shoved. Now somebody must have oiled the door, because I shot through it like Peter Sellers and Kato in one of the Pink Panther films, and almost fell up the stairs that are a good ten feet on from the door. Good job nobody was on the other side, and I wish they’d let you know when they oil the doors.

Peter Sellers charging through a door….

I fancied eating a gingerbread man, so after looking in my recipe books, (I’m old fashioned like that) I googled a recipe, and found a good one on the bbc website. It made 16, though the recipe said 20. Mine were slightly thicker than they should have been, but I won’t hold that against them, I made them that way. So a few days later, I had a dream that I was in one of the places we clean, another factory, different from the above, and a giant gingerbread man came walking out of the gents toilets. He said to me, “Do you think it’s right, what you’re doing?” I said, “What do you mean?” He said, “You’re eating all of my friends.” I said, “Well, I fancied one.” Then he plodded off into the factory. It wasn’t easy eating all the rest after that.

Little gingerbread chaps, tasty and soft.

Do you want to join the growing list of gigglers? All you have to do is post at the beginning of each month, something that’s made you laugh lately. If nothing has, then you’re not looking hard enough.

Here are the other lovely gigglers, and welcome Jacqueline King to the giggle list.

Lynne Hackles, and on Lynne’s blog you get a giggle from Sue Blackburn.

Teresa Ashby, who always has something to make us giggle.

A lady who joined the gigglers from Teresa’s blog is also a giggler. I need to find her and add her link here.

Jacqueline King. Who gave me the idea for giggle blog, as she said I made her giggle.

Mrs Teapot on the busy teapot blog. Hope the kettle’s on.

 

Coming soon, Author interview with writing treasure, Lynne Hackles.

 

September Giggle blog.

So we’re in to September and time for a giggle….. erm…… that wasn’t funny, no, nor that, and that wasn’t brilliant either. Hang on, things aren’t that bad…………

I work with a lady from Sunderland why aye man I do, yeah sure hinny, away man, yer naw, I’m canny and all I am on a Tuesday morning, and she always makes me laugh. She loves her bleach, and air freshener, and when she jokingly asked a chap if he was making us a cup of tea, he ended up doing us one each, so that was canny, why eye…..

Everything’s champion, doll, yes it is, bright and shiny, quicky dooo daah, if we’re running late, which we never are, of course.

Thing is, I find doo dah, coming into my speech, and why eye man is easy to pick up…. And, she’s not a Geordie, she’s from Sunderland. Completely different.

 

I start off driving, and then she takes over after that. One day last week, we were bombing along the road, full blast ahead, and changing gear, she rammed the van into reverse…. only for a nano second, that made me smile.

Boys alive, have a look at this for accents…. La plue de la tente avec petit pois sil vous plais.

 

Until next time……..

 

August Giggle Blog.

KEEP OFF THE GRASS

My friend Annabella has been dog and house sitting, with strict instructions to make sure the dog, Monty doesn’t go on the grass. As you see from the picture, she followed the rules to the letter. Also, he was to have no chocolate cake… That’s a plastic one, so it’s alright. She had a bit of a panic when she was putting the bins out and Monty followed her to the front garden. Luckily he didn’t want to run away, seemed he’s happy where he is.

Annabella had another bit of a panic when she was back at work, and colleagues asked to see her holiday snaps. She was about to pass her phone over with pics. on it when she realised, Monty’s owner was one of the eager people waiting to see the pictures, and Monty was top of the list with his choccie cake on the grass. So a bit of quick deleting was in order. Good job she’d already emailed him to me….

DID I GIVE A FLYING FORK, OR NOT?

Now here’s me, relaxing in the garden doing my thing. I was reading my new kindle at the time, when a voice from above shouts, “Can you chuck us a fork up please?” He leans out to show me that he remembered the sharp knife for cutting up his sausage and bacon, but forgot the fork.

“Of course,” I reply. Off to the kitchen cupboard I go, get the fork, and aim for the window.

“Nice and gently, underarm.”

I hurl it up, then… clang, it drops. Trying again, I aim, like, one, two, three.

“Nice and gently, underarm,” he repeats.

So hurling the fork, aiming for his hand, it twists and twirls, then sails jauntily over the six foot hedge and onto next door’s (my old maths teacher) back yard. Good job they were inside. I blame the postman. Fancy eating pot noodle on the job, then dropping the fork outside someone’s back door; things aren’t what they used to be are they?

Here’s a chap that will make you smile; if he doesn’t then Simon Cowell’s face will.

One extra adult giggle.

Out on my cleaning job, the hoover was halfway up some stairs and cables everywhere. As a chap went bleary eyed into the canteen, I shouted. “Watch you don’t trip.”

“I could do with a trip.” Was his reply. I don’t think he had Blackpool or Skeggie in mind.

 

In case you missed it, you can catch up with my latest Redington Serial here.

 

People’s Friend interview with Samantha Tonge coming soon.

 

 

 

July Giggle blog.

A couple of giggles to keep you going. Sometimes, things are funny to you at the time, and they might not sound that funny, so here we go.

I’ve recently published The Angel and the Poet, and I needed a lovely front cover, which I found on a site called fiverr… It cost five dollars, which works out at £3.80, which is quite a bargain as it is exactly what I wanted. So, when I’d done that, up popped a question, ‘do you want to place a gig of your own?’ Each thing someone does is a gig. So I thought I’d put a gig on there. I’ve got four gigs. The first one, write a short story for children, 500 words is a fiverr, and in a few days, I’d had three gigs to do, so I was rocking and rolling with my gigs… As I sat telling our Son in the garden, I explained there’s a website where you can do all sorts of things, anything for a fiver. His face took on a look of horror….

He said, ‘tell me you’re not on the internet saying I’ll do anything for a fiverrr….’ I said, ‘nooooo, story writing.’ He didn’t look convinced.

More on fiverr in another post. It’s not all the sweetness and light you might think. Good job Mr Sensible asked me the copyright question.

Anyway, giggle number two came when I was out on my early morning cleaning round….

We turned up at this ancient old mill, that is converted into offices, and has three floors. This one office had lots of paper rubbish in a pile. Like boxes of brochures, and leaflets. Talk about waste of paper, and they’re a company promoting no waste! It was so heavy, and so much that my lady boss said, ‘let’s put it all on the trolley and in the lift. We’re not carrying all that down the stairs.’

Ten minutes later, a lady wearing stilettos came dashing in to where me and the bosses Son were working and stated, ‘is that your rubbish in the lift, because if it is it will make the lift smell, and we can’t use the lift?’ He directed her to where his mum was standing. She gave out the same statement. My boss answered, ‘no, actually it’s your rubbish and it doesn’t smell, because it’s leaflets and brochures.’ She also told her to go straight to her with problems and not come moaning to us…… (funny eh?) The Son took the rubbish, and dumped it all in the skip, as it was too heavy for me or his Mum to lift.

Then we were half way to the next job, and the bosses Son piped up. ‘Oh, I’ve just remembered, I’ve left their trolley in the lift!’ His Mum said, ‘oh, I’ll have to ring them up, they’ll think we’re taking the mickey. Can you imagine me in the back having fits of laughter…..

I’m sure the lady in stilettos was only peeved because she couldn’t use the lift and she had to use her little legs and walk up the stairs.

I drive the van now sometimes. It’s a diesel engine, and sounds like a tractor. That’s the end of giggles and talk about gigs for July, more next month.

Coming soon, People’s Friend author, Wendy Clarke in the interview chair. It’s a good one, watch out for that around 8th July……

Keep giggling, there will always be something, and if there isn’t, you just aren’t looking hard enough!

June Giggle Blog.

We’ve been out enjoying the sunshine on the car-boot today, getting rid of a few surplus things. And here’s a few great giggles for you to enjoy, they made me smile.

I was sitting reading, and Alan was watching the busy traffic going past our house, and his face suddenly changed. His mouth opened, and eyes, and he looked completely shocked. Then he stood up, and went to the window. He said, a motorbike went past, then another, then another, and then one with no rider. From his seat, the bike was going along on it’s own. When he stood up, he saw it was being towed by a small car, and was up on a trailer. His face was the best part of it though.

Next giggle was when I stood in to water Mom and Dad’s garden, and pop in to the house while they had a much needed week away. I’d go and open the windows, have a cup of tea, water the greenhouse. And half the week was hot, so that meant getting the hose out and doing the back and front. The other half it rained, so it was only the tomatoes and cucumbers in the greenhouse that wanted water. As I left, walking down their long drive, I looked back on day one, and it felt really odd, not to wave to Mom who always waves either from the window or the drive. So on day two, when I looked back again, it occurred to me that you never know who’s watching, so I waved to the window, feeling a bit daft, but I had to pretend she was there…. and then when I go just out of sight, I had to wave again. Have you ever waved to an empty house? Feels silly, but it had to be done for safety’s sake…. so the rest of the week I’d walk down the drive, and half way, I’d turn and go, byeeee, waving, having a bit of a giggle to myself.

I’m enjoying the new job, where I go out early and clean offices and factory canteens with my boss and her family. They do a domestic clean, and they were saying how it’s more detailed with things like ornaments and glass objects to clean around. So we were out at someone’s home, and I was in the kitchen, as she’d had a message left that she wanted the cupboard fronts wiping over. Next thing I knew, I’d heard a clang, and a china ornament was hurtling down wooden stairs, somersaulting as it went. You know when time stands still, and your brain says, ‘I need to catch it, but I won’t have time. Then SMASH!!! A headless cat was on the hallway floor. Oops. Luckily the lady was alright about it, and thank goodness I didn’t send china puss to his beheading. I was quite wary of dusting round the other items though.

Glad to be home out of the heat, and hope you enjoyed the giggles for this month.

 

On 12th June, I have another People’s Friend author interview lined up.

You’ll love it, and I’m keeping it a surprise, so tune in then for a real treat.

Speaking of a real treat, there’s Alan relaxing. I nabbed him having a break in-between

customers.